Philophobia
by Anddeaa
Summary: Can you believe in a thing when you are so scared of feeling it? You don't know that you're scared of it, but you do know that you don't want to have a connection with it.


_Philophobia is the abnormal, persistent and unwarranted fear of falling in love or emotional attachment. The risk is usually when a person has confronted any emotional turmoil relating to love in the past but also can be chronic phobia. This affects the quality of life and pushes a person away from commitment. The worst aspect of fear of being in love and falling in love is that it keeps a person in solitude. It can also evolve out of religious and cultural beliefs that prohibit love._

Chapter 1

It was weird how things turned out. I've always been a happy child, growing up with my parents, being happy along with them. Everybody who saw my parents together though that they were happy, that they were meant to be. Maybe in the beginning they were, but it didn't take long for them to start arguing. I think I was about 7 when I first heard them argue. Gradually their fights started to get heated, some of them ending with a _'Go to hell!'_ from my dad. Those words hurt me just as much as they hurt my mom. As a child I didn't want them to get a divorce, but by the time I was 12 I was hoping they would just so they would stop throwing hateful words at each other - usually my dad was the one who cursed and my mom was just trying not to spit back at him.

I was 14 and I was looking through the browser's history to re-open a site I accidentally closed when I saw a few apartments deals. It didn't take me long to realize it was my dad who had looked through this offers because my mom had been working that day. I was starting to ask myself questions. Why would he look through apartment offers when we had just renovated ours a couple of months ago? But I realized that he was looking at one for himself. And I also realized that they would get a divorce sooner or later.

It turned out I was right. Half a year later they divorced and my mom was left with our old apartment while he bought a new one. I ended up with my mom, but I was on great terms with my dad too. He got himself a girlfriend, a few years younger than him. One day I was talking with my mom and told her to try and look for someone for herself. Because she's still young and and her life doesn't need to stop just because she divorced. Plus I knew they stopped loving each other long ago so it was a good thing for her.

When I was 16 my mom found herself a boyfriend, two years older than her, and just a couple of months after that, before my 17th birthday, my dad married his girlfriend, who was already pregnant with his child. I knew that's what I should have been expecting, but it felt like a slap on my face knowing that my dad would have another child, and also knowing that we grew apart in the last year. And it wasn't even my fault, I really wanted to have the same relationship with my dad, because I didn't hold any grudges, but his now wife didn't like the idea and apparently she was on the priority you can only imagine how I felt on my birthday when my dad told me that his gift for me would be a sibling and that he didn't have left any money to buy me anything because he was expecting this new child but he'll buy me something some other time.

My mother saw that I was hurt. Who wouldn't be? My own dad had betrayed me. He had always said that I was the only good thing in this family and that he was so lucky to have a child like me. Right now those words don't have any meaning to me at all. My mother moved in with her boyfriend in his apartment. She said that she wouldn't sell ours. I felt weird living in an apartment with someone who wasn't my dad and I wanted to move on my own in our old apartment but my mother wouldn't hear any of it. Don't get me wrong. I'm glad my mom found someone, and honestly, even I am fond of this man because they seem to make a good match and because he doesn't make me feel like I shouldn't be there with them, but it still felt weird and because I didn't want her to break up with this man because of me - because I knew she would, unlike my father - so I had an idea. I searched for some good high school that are in other cities. It took me a week but I found a very good opportunity. It was a very good high school in Tokyo and all I had to pay were my expenses - food, electricity, road trip, you name it - and it also had a scholarship.

So I told my mom. At first she wasn't happy with the idea, but when I told her it would be good for my future and gave in. We sent in e-mail and found out that by the time senior year started I could move in. It took me a few weeks to pack all my things but eventually I was done and my mom, her boyfriend and I were at the front of the mansion's fence with some of them - the rest had already been sent prior to my arriving -. The three of us didn't expect this. Michael, my mother's boyfriend who was American, even joked that I would be living like a queen here. All three of us laughed as we entered through the gates and made our way towards the entrance of the mansion.

We knocked a couple of times before the door was opened by a young boy, around my age, with purple hair and eyes. Had it not been for the strict face he wore, I would have thought he was a butler, judging by the cloths and manners. We introduced ourselves and the only thing he said to us was that he was expecting us, before turning around and talking with an older man, with snowy white hair, who took my luggage. I looked at mom and then at Michael then followed the butler and the boy, whose name was Reiji - he told us his name while walking through the entrance hall.

He also told us that five more boys were living in this mansion and that they were all siblings - Shu, Raito, Kanato, Ayato and Subaru. Hearing that only boys were living here both mom and Michael tensed up.

"So Haruna will be the only girl here?" Michael asked before mom. I stopped in my tracks to look at them. No way was I going to live with only boys! Actually rich boys as this was their mansion.

"For now, yes." Reiji said as he adjusted his glasses with one gloved hand. "There's still a week before school starts so she is the first to arrive. More exactly 7 more girls and 3 more boys." Hr started walking towards a door and then stopped. He opened the door and the turned back at us "This is Ito Aika's room. She should arrive tomorrow afternoon." he said in a calm tone.

We all looked in the room which had pink walls and was full of boxes. He showed us a few more rooms which were supposed to be the other kids' rooms until we stopped to another one. Honestly, by the time we got the the last room I wasn't that interested to see the others' rooms and I felt relieved when Reiji told us that this was my room. He opened the door and let us enter.

I was quite happy with how the room looked. The walls were a dark purple, which was a good thing for me as I like purple - my old room had light purple walls -, the bed was on my right side, along with a black desk and a chair - which had an old look to it -. I made a mental note to tell mom and Michael that I needed to buy a new one. On the left there was a wardrobe - a pretty big one actually -. I can't say I have enough clothes to put in it, but maybe they thought that if I had that many packages then I also had a lot of cloths. I also had a book shelve and at the other side of the room there was another door which probably led to the balcony. All in all I was happy with how my room looked like with the combination of colors - purple and black - but I still needed to add a personal touch to it.

Before I started unpacking I left with mom and Michael to go buy whatever was left to buy and by the end of the day we said our goodbyes and I started transforming this room how I wanted it to be.

 _ **A/N** : I know this chapter is pretty long and it doesn't have that much dialogue in it but I wanted to introduce my character, along with her background. I know that I only talked about her past - her personality, full name and appearance will be introduce in the next chapter -. Don't worry, starting from the next chapter there'll be a lot more dialogue._

 _I always thought that the first chapter of a DL fanfiction is boring because there's always the same thing, how the girl got to live with them, the introduction of the boys and so on. I tried making it a little different and I hope it had the effect I wanted._

 _Hope you liked it and please review to let me know how you felt about this first chapter._


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